Jokes

Miscellaneous

Ever wondered what lies between those lines (to be more specific - words) you read in corporate jargon?

Here is the 101. See where you fit in the corporate echelon. . .

"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you;

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:" We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED:" Female Applicants must must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON:" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: " You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do.

"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:" I've used Microsoft Office.

"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies.

"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:" I blame others for my mistakes.

"I'M PERSONABLE:" I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Day-Timer.

"I AM ADAPTABLE:" I've changed jobs a lot.

"I AM ON THE GO:" I'm never at my desk.

"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.

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