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Out To Get You

Sixteen surefire indications that your colleagues are out to get you!

16 - The Human Resources rep keeps advising you to apply for extra dismemberment insurance.

15 - The guy from shipping says they have to store some toxic waste in your office for "just a couple days." Your company, however, makes doilies.

14 - Someone's been signing you up for the office blood drive. Daily.

13 - Everyone else gets e-mail. You get "note-wrapped-around-a-brick-speeding-at-your-head-mail."

12 - That "one free pantsdrop" rule is just one way of looking at the Paula Jones case -- not a new law, like Larry said.

11 - New job position posted: "Vice-President of My Butt" Only applicant: You

10 - Co-workers point and whisper that you're the one who ate the "Bagel O' Death."

9 - Somebody went to the trouble of making a little Hitler mustache and swastika armband for your Dilbert doll.

8 - You're honored to be in the "South Park" skit at the office party, but why does everyone insist you play "Kenny"?

7 - The sign on your office door, "Section Head, Information Technology, Hardware Engineering And Design", has been replaced with an acronym.

6 - The pushy new Pastry Cart man looks an awful lot like that Kevorkian guy.

5 - Your position's symbol on the organizational chart now shows up as a hanging stick figure.

4 - During your diversity training, someone announces on the intercom that "the cleaners are here with your Grand Wizard outfit."

3 - Your name is spelled out in urinal cakes in the men's room trough.

2 - Oh, come on -- it's not like your new Windows 98 operating system just keeps crashing by itself!

and The Number 1 Sign Someone at Work is Out to Get You...

1 - "Shit piling up on your desk" no longer just an expression.

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